Mr. Right or Mr. Good-Enough?

Will supports it; Angela’s not so sure. Both responded this week to this article, published last year in the Atlantic, about “settling” in marriage:

I don’t mean to say that settling is ideal. I’m simply saying that it might have gotten an undeservedly bad rap. As the only single woman in my son’s mommy-and-me group, I used to listen each week to a litany of unrelenting complaints about people’s husbands and feel pretty good about my decision to hold out for the right guy, only to realize that these women wouldn’t trade places with me for a second, no matter how dull their marriages might be or how desperately they might long for a different husband. They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone, because they, like me, realize that marriage ultimately isn’t about cosmic connection—it’s about how having a teammate, even if he’s not the love of your life, is better than not having one at all.

I think Will’s argument is solid, especially when you consider that settling for women is not quite the same game as it is for men. Women’s prospects decline with age, whereas men almost always have options, if we assume that women are more apt to want to marry than men are (and they seem to be). It’s like Matthew McConaughey’s famed line: “I keep getting older, they stay the same age.”

Like Angela, I’m too young to really contribute to this discussion, and I’m not really sure which way I lean on this topic. I don’t think settling down early is the optimal strategy, and would argue that we’re too young and stupid in our early 20s, and lack the self-knowledge that comes with age and experience to know what makes for a compatible long-term marriage partner (of course, you could use that argument against marrying at any age). Settling early, as the author recommends, is essentially a crap shoot. On the other hand, many people reach their 30s, 40s, or even their deathbeds without ever giving much thought to self-reflection and all that hippie-dippy crap, and those women who never bother with that level of self-discovery are snatching up all the decent men.

Another thing to keep in mind is that we put much delusional emphasis on marriage lasting “forever” in the face of current divorce statistics.  What if we accepted marriage as a medium-to-long term commitment, but not necessarily a permanent one? It might take some pressure off the decision. Would educated women worry as much about this issue of whether to settle then? Perhaps the best advice is to chill out and realize that you’ve got a 50% shot at making it work, either way.

Inferior Goods

Anyone who’s taken Economics 101 knows the theory behind “inferior goods,” that is, items that people consume when their real incomes decline. For the last few years, government has been fucking up market signals (more than usual) in agriculture, causing resources being over-invested in ethanol production. This idiotic policy has contributed to rising food prices, and with increased food prices, Americans are finding that their paychecks aren’t going as far; their real incomes have declined. People aren’t in any danger of starving, however. The recent upswing in sales for Spam is evidence that consumers are turning their money away from chicken and steak, and towards canned ham. It appears that while the rest of us are eating salted pigs ass-meat, the residents of Austin, MN will be giving their kids a memorable Christmas this year.

As a broke college student, I’ve also been coping with ludicrous food prices by turning towards inferior foods for survival. I made my weekly trip to the supermarket today and came home with $37 worth of mostly carbohydrates and fat (less $3.50 for a Cosmo). A few years ago, I was a big advocate of organic foods and healthy home-cooked meals. Alas, gone are the days of fruits and veggies, salmon, flax seeds, and baked-pressed tofu. These days, I’m eating 2/$1.00 burritos, grilled cheese, and ramen noodles. The only thing keeping me from packing on the pounds with this diet is that both the quality and quantity of the food I consume have declined. I’ve actually found myself calculating how much each individual meal will cost me while I’m walking down the aisle! That’s just a hop, skip and a jump away from becoming the dreaded “coupon-lady.” Still, I’m starting to get excited when I see soy milk on sale, or when I can score a loaf of 12-grain bread for less than the generic bread costs.

I’ve made a few other dietary changes as well. I’ve started drinking tea instead of Red Bull; not quite the same kick, but hot tea is wonderful in the cold weather, and it’s a huge cost savings. Also, whenever I go home to get my mail, I persuade my dad to order pizza, which equals about three meals. The most fun savings trick I’ve found is the nearby bar that I regularly patronize. They usually have pitcher deals, so I buy a $3 whiskey sour while my friends shell out $5.75 for pitchers of long islands. By the time I’m ready for another drink, they’re sufficiently buzzed and willing to share with me (even econ students’ rational consumer behavior is subject to the effects of alcohol). Last Thursday’s bar tab: $4.